The in laws or the "out" laws

My in laws suck. I understand that I left their son and all but did they have to drop me like a hot potato? The people have not reached out to me even once! I have sent letters and emails. I MAILED a freakin' letter people, old school. Nada. Nothing. Zip.  Some character back round : in laws run their own Baptist church if that helps paint the picture,  FIL is the preacher and MIL is the preachers wife. Their relationship with their son is estranged and they have always kept him and us at arms length. Yet, I have comforted his mother after the loss of her youngest son. I have encouraged contact, invested in them with time, effort, and heart. I left Pie's Dad in September. My birthday is in October. Did the in laws send a card? You guess. No really, what do you think? Yeah, you're right they didn't.

I know in their eyes I am a hedonist whom has made bad choices in life but I am raising their granddaughter. They understand our challenges because their daughter (SIL) is also raising a child with autism. I just don't understand their distance and lack of interest.

I want the idyllic family life. My family is crazy in a very real way and I cannot have healthy relationships with them. I have boundaries instead. I long for deep connections, shared history, loving acceptance and maybe that doesn't exist. I certainly haven't found it with anyone aside from my daughter. I was hopeful that I would forge a new relationship with the in laws after I split with Piper's father. I guess that's the irritation, that it just doesn't seem like it's possible or that they are interested. It makes me sad for Piper and for myself. I feel like I'm a good person but I begin to doubt it because of this lack of family. I feel it implies to others that I'm somehow soiled , or tarnished "her own family doesn't want her" they must think.

I suppose it doesn't truly matter. I have many loving relationships with good people who support me. At the end of the day isn't that what life is all about? I guess it's the Holiday's and all that Hallmark expectation and crap that's got me musing.

Bah! It's more fun to be an "outlaw" anyway!