Wednesday, January 27, 2010

She is trying to maniplulate me! YAY!

Piper's fine motor skills are well..shall we say..a bit unfocused. Oh heck we're all friends here : she sucks at using scissors. She preforms most tasks that require coordination as if she were a giant person forced to live in a really tiny house. Everything is foreign and nothing seems to fit.

May I make a confession? I giggle uncontrollably during her dance classes. She lumbers about the veritable bull in the china shop. That however is not (entirely) where the laughing comes from. It's the sheer delight in her face as she's prancing around the dance room admiring herself in the mirror only able to focus on herself. Her attention flits in and out, sometimes the instructor is able to engage her sometimes not. I laugh in relief,  joy and pure love.

Anyway back to the scizzors, Pie cant use 'em so she is constantly trying to get me to cut her pictures out after hastily scribbling them with marker. She finds these tiny tiny parts to color, always animals and wants me to cut. cut. cut. I humor her for a few but then when it becomes well, obsessive, I draw the line and say I will do more cutting tomorrow.

This is where the manipulation comes in, she hears me say "I'm tired of cutting now" and counters with "Mommy you're not tired, you're healthy". With a melodramatic flair she hugs me and kisses my cheek and says "Oh Mommy you're the best cutter. You're the best maker! You're strong and healthy" and then she shows me her "guns" in a moc strong man pose.

Get's me every time.

Cut. Cut. Cut.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Furry Goats

While visiting a friend's home Piper became obsessed fixated on two little "mice" toys laying about that are made from real fur. I aplogize if you are not a pet toy afficiando like ourselves and do not know about these fun little critters made for cats. They exist, I can assure you. Pipes did her ususal inspection of the dwelling making sure all the things that cried out for her attention received it in large doses. I love these particullar friends because they GET IT. They love Piper and find her humorous and adorable. They love her for her quirks just like they should. They have taken us into thier lives and it's wonderful to be around people who enjoy my daughter. May I share a secret? That is the quickest route to my heart; love my daughter and I'm all yours!

Of course after seeing how much she liked the cat toys they insisted she take them home. So we did and they are currently being well loved and the "must have" items of the week. She calls them her "furry goats".

I must tell you I take particular delight when she asks for these items in public: "Mama may I have my furry goats?". BAHAHAHAHA! The looks on peoples faces are priceless.
Aww kiddo you always keep me grinning!

Special shout out to MoD and A for the love, the looks, and the goods!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The Freedom Project

Do you want to help individuals with autism? Good news you can! Simply click here!

Monday, January 11, 2010

The Letter

Dearest Pie Maker,

You have a strong heart. You can do this; just keep your focus and don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure you know there are enough people in this world to do that for you. 

You have a battle, tears and a journey ahead. You must begin. 
Take care of yourself so you can be the rock Piper needs, Mama Lioness. 
Get well. 
Imperative, must do. 
Be happy. 
Live as if. 
Quit trying to change him. If that is who he is then that is who he is: focus, focus, focus. No one is going to do it for you. No one is going to "save you" so get over it and do it yourself. Stop asking for his help. Stop talking altogether and just keep doing. 
Get smart. Get ready because here YOU go. You must begin or it's never going to happen for you; get your knowledge and go. 
Please dear, it's time for action. It's time to cut your heart out and shove it down your throat. You can't afford to be your Pollyanna self. 
Get real. Plan. Absorb. Do IT. 

Quit investing in everyone else and start investing in yourself. 


* letter to self written 1/10/2009

Thursday, January 7, 2010

The return of Jerkwad part II or Eye of the Tiger

Everyone survived the visit to the fast food family restaurant!! We met as planned. Jerkwad and Pie sat together at one table while she ate. I sat at my own table with a friend to give them privacy but I kept Piper in my vision. He motions me over after about 5 minutes and asked when we could sit down to discuss visitation arrangements. I politely declined to discuss anything in front of Piper and suggested he send me a text to make arrangements. He is irritated by this and rolls his eyes at me. You see Jerkwad has this uncanny ability to argue me into a corner and screw with my rational thinking. He gets my head all turned around. I'm trying to avoid this with the texting or emailing, it makes the communication more clear and less emotional. I am able to focus. He hates it because he can't manipulate me. Which is why I am sure it's the right method.

After another 5 minutes he walks over to my table, leaving Piper still sitting at their table. He says; "obviously you're too busy. I'll see Piper another time" and starts to leave. I begin to object but he just repeats himself and says goodbye to Piper. She hugs him and says goodbye but isn't upset to see him go. As he's walking away he calls back over his shoulder "Daddy doesn't live in California any more so you can see him when ever you want Piper". I am stunned. Guess he's here to stay. We finish our meal say goodbye to my friend and leave for home.

10 minutes.

He lasted 10 minutes.

Monday, January 4, 2010

The return of Jerkwad part 1

Soooo, with no warning but my dreams TA DA! Jerkwad has returned! How do I know? Why a text message at 1130am that says:  Can I come over for a few minutes this evening? I want to see Piper.   He's been 1000 miles away for over a month. Piper has settled into her routine. She's been doing so well. I am afraid that his return will capsize the fragile peace we've carved for ourselves.

 BLARG! I want to pretend this isn't happening to me.

She has missed him. I don't want to shut him out of her life, but he's really off kilter and I'm not comfortable with him being alone with her, he's unstable and not thinking clearly. Pie has no sense of danger and is inappropriately social, with every one. Can you say major recipe for disaster? I knew you could! I agree to let him see her because I know he loves her and I am hoping he will respect the boundaries I  am setting. Ahh, hope that's the old stinger for me; I keep hoping and hope keeps biting me in the arse.

Despite the surprise, I offered to meet him in a public place for a kid friendly dinner.

Jerkwad: after 6pm?

Me: that's too late for us, more like 5

Jerkwad: the earliest I can make it is 5:45

Me: (silent scream) looks like tonight won't work then, how about tomorrow at 5?

Jerkwad: what's the problem? I wouldn't think 45 mins would make that much difference


Jerkwad: I'm not trying to be difficult I just want to give you this stuff from my sister and visit with Pipes for a few minutes. Okay?

Me: I don't see why I should make accommodations to our schedule when you are unwilling to do the same. 5 is what works today or tomorrow.

Jerkwad: what about Wednesday then or are you too f'n busy that day too?

Me: Wednesday will not work. We have plans. (I was trying to be nice A@@hole and now you're trying to bully me? What else do you have to do? You don't have a job!!)

Jerkwad:  Will you please call me so we can talk about this?

Me: no. I don't see what there is to discuss. You didn't give me any warning. We are living a life. We have a schedule. I can offer you tomorrow at 5.

Jerkwad: Why are you unwilling to communicate? I'm not trying to be a dick. I just want to see my little girl.

Me: I am not unwilling to communicate. I am.

Jerkwad: Fine. I'll be there tomorrow. But I can't help but think you're doing this out of spite. You know Piper wants to see her dad. I didn't think you were like that

Me: ok we will see you at 5 at ___, and ___.

Jerkwad: thanks I guess

Tonight's the meet up. I am hoping for a quick visit that will satisfy his desire to see her. I am not planing on granting him anymore time with her outside of school.  In my opinion his visits must be supervised and I don't want to do it. Once the paperwork is filled and the judge hears our case then the court can decide, for now I'm just doing my best. It sucks.  

Stay tuned.....