Sigh. Bad day. We all have them, but I swear they sneak up on me! I hate it when I have no patience for the billionth request and I snap. I want to give the best of myself to her and sometimes I don't. I find myself trying to take deep breaths and counting. She always knows when I've had it and asks "Are you happy with me? Do you love me?" I assure her. I label my feelings. I make sure to say every time that I always love her even when I don't like her behavior.
I'm tired. The expectations are so HIGH. I know, I set them. I wouldn't be satisfied otherwise.
Aye me.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Piperisms in reverse
Me: "Your furry goats will have to come in the closet soon." Pause. "Never thought I'd say that to my kid."
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Staycation
I miss blogging! It's true, I'm busy but I love having this little place of mine to write my thoughts and share this journey. I've been reading your posts and commenting a bit here and there but my head hasn't been here.
And now? It seems that life is returning to what passes for typical around here.
Pie and I just returned from a mini staycation. I took a long weekend from work and Pie took a few days off school and we went adventuring! We stayed close to home the first two days. We spent some time on a visit to her previous school and daycare. She was so happy to see her teachers from last year, especialy Mr. T! It was a really great day and reminded me just how far we've come. A LONG way baby!
Then on Friday we rented a car packed our gear (ok, I packed our gear and Pie packed her toys) and headed to the Coast for some off season fun. We stayed at our favorite KOA (host of the now famous pancake breakfast) and enjoyed the pace of the off season. No Crowds! We arrived late Friday night after driving through a snow storm to a warm welcoming cabin. The staff had turned the heat turned the heat on for us, so kind!
Saturday morning after breakfast (and coffee for Mama) we head into town and hit up the local aquarium. It's nothing like it's spectacular and impressive sister to the South, just a 1 room deal with a few tanks and a pool up front full of Harbor Seals. The best part about this place for us is that because of the layout Piper can just explore on her own and I can observe without having to hover (since I can see her no matter where she goes). Also this place really highlights her smarts. She runs from tank to tank describing the inhabitants and using vocabulary that makes her sound like a scientist instead of a 7 year old. She never needs to read the placards and recognizes all the creatures. It's awesome. After our tour of sea creatures we hit the gift shop for a couple of cuddly critters to take home. Yes, a couple. Piper must always have 2 of her selected stuffies, one for each hand. She has always liked having multiples of the same thing which pre dx really used to make my NT head spin. Piper has inherited my love for gift shops and this delights me! After the Aquarium we take a walk on the beach with our very patient pooch, Sadie.
Next we go back to the KOA for a swim. We enjoyed our time at the pool playing Mama and Baby Harbor seal. After our swim we are hungry so back to town we go for a late lunch at our favorite restaurant. It's right on the beach and there are huge windows so it's almost like eating outside. Piper did so good at the restaurant, I didn't even need to offer her the iphone until the very end of the meal. What a trooper! Eating out a restaurants is a new skill of ours and this Mama is happy that we are finally able to dine out successfully at a locale other than a fast food joint. They certainly don't have fresh clam chowder on the menu at those places!
After our bellies are filled we are ready for more adventures and find them easily at a State Park near our campground that features a real wrecked ship. Piper, Sadie and I are amazed when we see the shipwreck! Piper is so excited and thinks we discovered it and refuses my explanations and it's cute to see her so excited and proud. By now it's nearly sunset so we leave our discovery and head to camp to settle in and build our fire. We roast hot dogs and marshmallows. We are lucky that it's a clear night and we see so many stars! Piper is ready for bed before I am and settles in to watch a movie while I enjoy the fire and a glass of wine. She falls asleep before too long and I settle in soon after.
The next day we pack up and have a leisurely breakfast on our way back home. I feel an enormous amount of pride for doing this all on my own and with out an unmanageable hiccup. Taking trips like this with my ex always resulted in a bad time for everyone. He has a short fuse so any unexpected hurdle and he would blow and spoil the mood. Looking back I never realized how very miserable that was. It was really nice to make some new memories and to prove to myself that I am capable. Piper our dog Sadie and I all enjoyed ourselves immensely!
Staycation Success!!
And now? It seems that life is returning to what passes for typical around here.
Pie and I just returned from a mini staycation. I took a long weekend from work and Pie took a few days off school and we went adventuring! We stayed close to home the first two days. We spent some time on a visit to her previous school and daycare. She was so happy to see her teachers from last year, especialy Mr. T! It was a really great day and reminded me just how far we've come. A LONG way baby!
Then on Friday we rented a car packed our gear (ok, I packed our gear and Pie packed her toys) and headed to the Coast for some off season fun. We stayed at our favorite KOA (host of the now famous pancake breakfast) and enjoyed the pace of the off season. No Crowds! We arrived late Friday night after driving through a snow storm to a warm welcoming cabin. The staff had turned the heat turned the heat on for us, so kind!
Saturday morning after breakfast (and coffee for Mama) we head into town and hit up the local aquarium. It's nothing like it's spectacular and impressive sister to the South, just a 1 room deal with a few tanks and a pool up front full of Harbor Seals. The best part about this place for us is that because of the layout Piper can just explore on her own and I can observe without having to hover (since I can see her no matter where she goes). Also this place really highlights her smarts. She runs from tank to tank describing the inhabitants and using vocabulary that makes her sound like a scientist instead of a 7 year old. She never needs to read the placards and recognizes all the creatures. It's awesome. After our tour of sea creatures we hit the gift shop for a couple of cuddly critters to take home. Yes, a couple. Piper must always have 2 of her selected stuffies, one for each hand. She has always liked having multiples of the same thing which pre dx really used to make my NT head spin. Piper has inherited my love for gift shops and this delights me! After the Aquarium we take a walk on the beach with our very patient pooch, Sadie.
Next we go back to the KOA for a swim. We enjoyed our time at the pool playing Mama and Baby Harbor seal. After our swim we are hungry so back to town we go for a late lunch at our favorite restaurant. It's right on the beach and there are huge windows so it's almost like eating outside. Piper did so good at the restaurant, I didn't even need to offer her the iphone until the very end of the meal. What a trooper! Eating out a restaurants is a new skill of ours and this Mama is happy that we are finally able to dine out successfully at a locale other than a fast food joint. They certainly don't have fresh clam chowder on the menu at those places!
After our bellies are filled we are ready for more adventures and find them easily at a State Park near our campground that features a real wrecked ship. Piper, Sadie and I are amazed when we see the shipwreck! Piper is so excited and thinks we discovered it and refuses my explanations and it's cute to see her so excited and proud. By now it's nearly sunset so we leave our discovery and head to camp to settle in and build our fire. We roast hot dogs and marshmallows. We are lucky that it's a clear night and we see so many stars! Piper is ready for bed before I am and settles in to watch a movie while I enjoy the fire and a glass of wine. She falls asleep before too long and I settle in soon after.
The next day we pack up and have a leisurely breakfast on our way back home. I feel an enormous amount of pride for doing this all on my own and with out an unmanageable hiccup. Taking trips like this with my ex always resulted in a bad time for everyone. He has a short fuse so any unexpected hurdle and he would blow and spoil the mood. Looking back I never realized how very miserable that was. It was really nice to make some new memories and to prove to myself that I am capable. Piper our dog Sadie and I all enjoyed ourselves immensely!
Staycation Success!!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Update
I am making headway on the paperwork. Almost done! I have a class on Tuesday should be able to file by the end of the week.
THANK YOU for the comments and support! Miss you and back soon! xoxox
THANK YOU for the comments and support! Miss you and back soon! xoxox
Monday, January 24, 2011
!!!
The Shit has hit the fan friends! I'm rushing to fill out paperwork and take classes. All of this from an angry remark from the Ex.
I'm not Divorced.
I have no legal protection from him aside for precident. He's allowed this because he looks horrid on paper and knows he has no legal leg to stand on. He's angry now though, and when he's angry he's irrational. This weekend he threatned to file himself for 50/50 custody because he was angry about the custody arrangement we have.
Not to worry, he has not a single chance of getting anything he's demanding. Piper and I are both safe. I just need to get my butt in gear. I heard his idle threat as a call for action. I am scrambling to dot the i's and cross the t's.
Sadly that leaves little time for blogging. I'll be here when I can but I hope you understand I won't be participating at the level I wish.
Mama Bear is on the scene! Wish me luck!
I'm not Divorced.
I have no legal protection from him aside for precident. He's allowed this because he looks horrid on paper and knows he has no legal leg to stand on. He's angry now though, and when he's angry he's irrational. This weekend he threatned to file himself for 50/50 custody because he was angry about the custody arrangement we have.
Not to worry, he has not a single chance of getting anything he's demanding. Piper and I are both safe. I just need to get my butt in gear. I heard his idle threat as a call for action. I am scrambling to dot the i's and cross the t's.
Sadly that leaves little time for blogging. I'll be here when I can but I hope you understand I won't be participating at the level I wish.
Mama Bear is on the scene! Wish me luck!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Hello! Goodbye!
Hi Friends!
It's a crushing week of work work work and too much to do. I wont be posting, I'll try to comment, but I will be reading!
See you here next week after the tide turns!
It's a crushing week of work work work and too much to do. I wont be posting, I'll try to comment, but I will be reading!
See you here next week after the tide turns!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Playing Favorites
I am Piper's favorite playmate and plaything!
Wait, did you read that? Go back and do it once more, I'll wait. *muzak plays*.
Okay, you get it now don't you? I AM HER FAVORITE!!!
I've read this line in many parenting books, articles and blogs "a child's favorite toy is their parent" and I always thought "yeah right, you've never met a kiddo with autism". Piper's first favorite toy was a bottle of mustard. Yup, I was upstaged by a mustard bottle. She took it with her everywhere in the house. She loved that darn thing! I even saw her write in the cement Piper + Mustard= BFF. Ok I'm kidding about that last part, but she really did dig the heck out of her mustard.
Fast forward about a year (aside: don't you wish you could actually do that sometimes?) and the mustard is replaced by a tire pressure gauge. Best. Toy. Ever.
This object loving perseveration continued until it settled around age three on : white kitty. A small beanie baby cat gifted to her by a cousin seemingly no different than any other stuffy except it was THE ONE. I quickly learned that no outing was complete without white kitty. Oh boy did I learn. White Kitty became the most important thing in our household aside from the people.
Until today. Today my gal asked me to play with her. YES. She. Did.
I was doing my own mommy thing per usual and picked up one of the toys I saw on the desk. It was a finger puppet she received for Christmas and I plopped it on my finger and gave it voice. "Hi I'm Marigold the Butterfly and I drink nectar". I expected the usual indifference but instead I got the present of a lifetime! She picked up the bat and joined in the pretend play. For a full half hour I had her complete and total engaged attention. WE PLAYED!
I feel like I just got an award, like I just was voted Mother of the year!
My daughter wants to play. With me!!!!
Wait, did you read that? Go back and do it once more, I'll wait. *muzak plays*.
Okay, you get it now don't you? I AM HER FAVORITE!!!
I've read this line in many parenting books, articles and blogs "a child's favorite toy is their parent" and I always thought "yeah right, you've never met a kiddo with autism". Piper's first favorite toy was a bottle of mustard. Yup, I was upstaged by a mustard bottle. She took it with her everywhere in the house. She loved that darn thing! I even saw her write in the cement Piper + Mustard= BFF. Ok I'm kidding about that last part, but she really did dig the heck out of her mustard.
Fast forward about a year (aside: don't you wish you could actually do that sometimes?) and the mustard is replaced by a tire pressure gauge. Best. Toy. Ever.
This object loving perseveration continued until it settled around age three on : white kitty. A small beanie baby cat gifted to her by a cousin seemingly no different than any other stuffy except it was THE ONE. I quickly learned that no outing was complete without white kitty. Oh boy did I learn. White Kitty became the most important thing in our household aside from the people.
Until today. Today my gal asked me to play with her. YES. She. Did.
I was doing my own mommy thing per usual and picked up one of the toys I saw on the desk. It was a finger puppet she received for Christmas and I plopped it on my finger and gave it voice. "Hi I'm Marigold the Butterfly and I drink nectar". I expected the usual indifference but instead I got the present of a lifetime! She picked up the bat and joined in the pretend play. For a full half hour I had her complete and total engaged attention. WE PLAYED!
I feel like I just got an award, like I just was voted Mother of the year!
My daughter wants to play. With me!!!!
Monday, January 10, 2011
Come out of the closet? NEVER
Piper sleeps in a closet. It's true. She has a lovely antique bed frame and a comfy mattress and she has eschewed it completly in favor of, that's right, the closet.
The first night she requested to sleep in the closet I was surprised. I'm the kind of mom that goes along with these kinds of things, if I see no harm or unintended consequence I figure why fight? So I filled the floor full of cushions and tucked my gal into her closet for the night. She slept a full 10 hours and woke up happy and refreshed.
The following night she again requested to sleep in the tiny closet. Again I granted permission. Night three? You guessed, closet.
I was beginning to feel bad for her. Here she has this cozy bed and comfy mattress yet she's sleeping on the floor? Yikes! So I set out to find a better solution. I took the top mattress off her bed and slipped it into the closet and wouldn't you know it fit like a glove!
Piper loves her new bed and as a result has halted her midnight visit to mine. A good nights sleep for us both! YAY!
So yeah, my kid sleeps in a closet. What of it?
The first night she requested to sleep in the closet I was surprised. I'm the kind of mom that goes along with these kinds of things, if I see no harm or unintended consequence I figure why fight? So I filled the floor full of cushions and tucked my gal into her closet for the night. She slept a full 10 hours and woke up happy and refreshed.
The following night she again requested to sleep in the tiny closet. Again I granted permission. Night three? You guessed, closet.
I was beginning to feel bad for her. Here she has this cozy bed and comfy mattress yet she's sleeping on the floor? Yikes! So I set out to find a better solution. I took the top mattress off her bed and slipped it into the closet and wouldn't you know it fit like a glove!
Piper loves her new bed and as a result has halted her midnight visit to mine. A good nights sleep for us both! YAY!
So yeah, my kid sleeps in a closet. What of it?
Friday, January 7, 2011
Blah Blah Blah
I got nothin'. I mean I have TONS to write about but no will or desire to do so. I could write about school, our new roomate, my ex, Pie's first why question and on and on.
Instead I've got nothin'. Pure process mode.
Blah Blah Blah.
Oh well, there's always next week.
Instead I've got nothin'. Pure process mode.
Blah Blah Blah.
Oh well, there's always next week.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Peace
I had a lovely break recently. I had a week of no work for me and no school for Piper.
The dreaded UNSCHEDULED WEEK.
No appointments.
No activities.
No school.
No work.
It was messy and real and imperfect and raw and well, life. It was life. I have to say that I enjoyed it. All of it, even the messy parts. Piper handled it quite well and really enjoyed herself and the pace of our days. I was afraid I'd find myself lonely. Instead I found something entirely different. I found my voice. Not my ability to voice; I've got the gift of gab.
No.
My inner voice.
I hadn't stopped to listen in a long time.
I listened to me for the first time in a very long while and it was good.
I don't have the words for what this means to me but I feel it, deeply.
It feels like peace.
The dreaded UNSCHEDULED WEEK.
No appointments.
No activities.
No school.
No work.
It was messy and real and imperfect and raw and well, life. It was life. I have to say that I enjoyed it. All of it, even the messy parts. Piper handled it quite well and really enjoyed herself and the pace of our days. I was afraid I'd find myself lonely. Instead I found something entirely different. I found my voice. Not my ability to voice; I've got the gift of gab.
No.
My inner voice.
I hadn't stopped to listen in a long time.
I listened to me for the first time in a very long while and it was good.
I don't have the words for what this means to me but I feel it, deeply.
It feels like peace.
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