Saturday, October 17, 2009

TRANSITION, Transition, transition!

It seems today that every area of my life is in transition.

New house, check.
New position at work, check.
New schedule, check.
New friends, check.
New school year, check.

Fortunately it's school that saves us. The routine of going to school has changed (new roommate taking her instead of Dad) but we are blessed to have T. again this year AND next, so the back to school transition is one area with very little change. Whew!

Why so much transition you ask?

Like many parents of children on the spectrum (whoa! 80% yikes), my marriage has crumbled. We are divorcing. It hurts. A lot. I feel unhinged and free. It's intoxicating and frightening all at the same time. I've moved out of a home we had lived in for 5 years with our daughter and have found another single mama to live with. (That statement makes it sound easier than it was.) Everything is new after 10 years of sameness. I don't know what I want for our future. I don't know who I am anymore, and the self I left behind 10 years ago isn't a good fit for me anymore. ( Plus, I can't fit into her clothes!)

It was my decision to leave. Our marriage had become an un healthy attachment for both of us and I was feeling resentful and angry. DH has been in a downward spiral since his brother died over 5 years ago. Followed by loss of his job, then loss of his career, then Piper's dx and the economic downturn which has forced us to sell our home. I may go into the details of his slide into oblivion in another post but not today.


Not today.

After much reflection and breast beating, I decided my best option was to strike out on my own with my daughter. Leave, and don't look back.

So I did. Whew.

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