Blemish

Piper is newly facinated with me. All of a sudden her focus has shifted to outside herself and she seems to be noticing the outside world. This new (awesome) development is coupled with a poorly timed event for me. PMS.  I apologize to any male readers, but PMS happens, and the lovely hormones that make us desirable the rest of the time go into overdrive. One result: my monthly blemish. OK, let's not pull any punches.  It's not a blemish, it's a zit. Whoever decided to give us the false expectation that we should suddenly become blemish free as adults ought to be punished. But I digress, back to our story.

I have a huge zit on my chin.  It's red irritated and gignatic. Piper takes note and begins to question me about it. I explain as best I can. She is horrified!  Especially when I start to tell her that she will have them one day too. Big mistake. For the next hour she lamented her fate. She bargained, she refused to grow up at one point saying " I will not have a zit NEVER!"  I had no idea that her skin meant so much to her!

Days later, we were visitng a local grocery when we ran into an old friend, C, who also happens to be single and handsome and employed. Pie announced our arrival in her ususal way, asking me questions very loudly. She has no idea how to modulate her voice and her default volume is about a dozen decibles louder than normal conversation. C hears us and waves from another area of the store. I wave back--hey it's only polite--and we make our way to his area of the store. Piper decides to visit a display of colorful gourds nearby while C and I exchange plesantries. She wanders back after a  moment carrying a big lumpy gourd and declares "look Mommy it has a zit just like you!" OH. My. Goodness. I turn back to C and try to move the conversation in another direction, but it's too late.  This is Pipers show now.

Pie: "Who is your friend?"

Me: "This is C, Pie. He knew you as a baby"

Pie : "Did you change my diaper when I was a baby?"

C (visibly embarassed): " No, just friends"

Pie: "Mom are you going to kiss him?"

Me (omg omg omg): "No we're not kissing friends, just friends Pie"

At this moment I am so embarrased I stammer some kind of polite goodbye (I hope) and make a hasty retreat.

This is how I learned that Piper is a horrible wingman.